In the Land of Jason

     The clanging of their bells can be heard above the din of my internal thoughts. Clad in red and braving the cold, they politely ask for a small donation, even pocket change for an organization that has helped thousands throughout the US. Later as I pick up my RX, the clerk gives me the opportunity to donate to an excellent children’s hospital. A single dollar gets my name on a balloon as a reward for me and an encouragement to others. A letter comes the same day asking for $10 to help feed a child in Asia for a month.

       All of these charity have something in common they offer “easy sacrifice”. They come to my door and ask for help. They don’t ask anything of me but a very tiny portion of income. They represent respectable charities so that I needn’t worry about if my money is being used well. They praise me for my generousity and kind heart. They unburden me of my sense of wealth and remind me that I am a good person. After spending hundreds of dollars on “stuff” most stores now offer opportunities to give back. For pennies a day they keep any sense of obligation for real sacrifice at arms length.

    Nearly daily I receive forewards via my e-mail telling me about something tragic. If I forward this message on then I am…”a patriot”, “a good Christian”, or “a friend”. When you get an e-mail like this you want to do something in face of something so aweful or wonderful as the case might be. The e-mail tells you what you need to do to alleviate this feeling or to be rewarded. Yet most of the time these e-mails are either false, pase, or offer no real means of change. Wouldn’t it be better to not forward this e-mails and instead send a check to a pediatric cancer center? Wouldn’t it be more effective to share your faith in action rather than join another “Jesus loves me” group on Facebook?

      The last few months have been incredibly difficult for me. It’s been a crossroad when it comes to the few years of education and my years as a student of the Teacher. Every day is a challenge to get through. At work I’m now working day shift (7a-730p) and with it a host of new procedurals and people skills to hone. My practicum has been challenging both intellectually and emotionally. In both, I’m struggling to do what’s right in a timely fashion. The odd thing is that I find myself feeling much like I formerly did as a teenager. In one moment super confident, the next defeated, second later boyed by a compliment, then excited by the coming graduation, stressed by upcoming deadlines, and then an hour later I cycle through it again. Some studies have shown that graduate students display temporal traits of being emotionally labile similar to those with serious mental health issues. An adolescent is able to take care of themselves but it takes a mature adult to do what others really need. The intensity and weight has been incredible.

      One of the biggest changes to switching to days is the amount of contact I have with patient’s family members. Working on a critical care floor means that I commonly manage an individual’s care that are facing dark futures. I have to be competent in my skills so as to make myself available as a sounding board for both the families and patients as they make hard decisions. Often I find myself caring for a person with multiple scary conditions with little hope for recovery, in pain, and often confused. Providers (doctors, nurse practitioners, and physician assistants) bear the primary responsibility of being honest and planning for the future of these people. Yet because of time constraints and heavy patient loads many can’t or don’t.

          As a registered nurse I lack the education to be able to give timelines or prognosis but I am able to instigate discussions with family members about what they are expecting for their loved ones. Its painful to hear someone tell you that “just 3 months ago she was cooking dinner for everyone so I figure it’ll take that long for her to get better,” when you know that the combination of stroke, pneumonia, and 3 weeks in the hospital will likely mean she will probably never be herself again. It’s my job as a patient advocate (which is the thing that nurses do best) not to explain to him that that’s not realistic. Its my job to make sure that they are talking with the right people that can and then get the support he will need when he suddenly understands the enormity of what has happened. Technically all I have to do is make a referral to social services, the chaplains, and a quick note to the MD and I’m covered. However, I know that good care means that I have to understand where people are at and the more questions I ask the better care my patients and their family will receive.

         This is often painful, awkward, and time consuming but its necessary. I am developing the skills I need to have these awful conversations. At the end, most people are grateful not because I told them what to expect or what decision they needed to make, but that I drew attention to what they might have not considered or were fearful to bring up. Its my desire to seek out ways to strengthen them that they might not have considered. Balancing this and the mechanics of being a good nurse( passing meds quickly and carefully) is the the heaviest part of nursing. And its what it means to be a mature nurse. 

        This week I was struck with how out of sync this is with our culture. We’ve offered cheap respite instead of well earned sleep of those that toiled. Its so much easier to tell a family member that they need to let someone die than to tell them what their options and help them work through those possible implications. Its easier to offer easy charity and quick praise than tell someone that that the sacrifice God calls us to make involve backaches, emotional scars, and financially scary decisions.

      I don’t give to the bell ringers because I 've committed to others organizations and people that I know. If you wish to give to the Salvation Army, really give. Cut a real meaningful check if you think it’s the best use of your money. If you lack money, give in time. Jesus’ greatest gift to us wasn’t that he gave easy answers or eliminated the need for sacrifice. Its that His sacrifice brings us into His presence, free of guilt, and enables us to be more of what he intended of us. Jesus gave of Himself above all. The Holy Spirit isn’t just a security blanket for comfort when we’re hurting. He enables us to mature, and see others as God does.

      The quantity and immediacy of news has placed us in a unique position to be aware of the struggles of our cousins throughout the world. Inversely to this info has been most people’s ability to know how to respond. We often feel overwhelmed and powerless in the face of so much tragedy, pain, and corruption. Forewards and “easy sacrifice” alleviate us from our crushing sense of helplessness. Yet this really can’t be what God has meant for us. CS Lewis wrote in a letter that “the love we are commanded to have for God and our neighbord is a state of will, not of affections (though if they ever also play their so much the better).” Our culture has defined love by emotion and charities have attempted to tap into this in order to make their budget.

       Making fewer but bigger donations draws us in and helps us grow as individuals. It calls us to be accountable for our giving if we don’t give to hundreds of different groups via nickels and dimes. We need to give of ourselves. We need to mature to the point that we can more fully utilize the Holy Spirit to reach out to those that need Him both those that believe and our cousins that haven’t come to Him yet. As we celebrate the arrival of Jesus this season, we need to evaluate what the best way to use our talents and that we would rely more heavily on His strength to do what’s right.

                     JP

I have an opportunity to go to abroad with the Institute of International Medicine this spring. I cleared the first hurdle a couple of weeks ago and now am waiting to get my letter of reference finances in order. I’ll get to work with a Christian medical missionary and it’ll count toward my practicum hours. I’m hoping to be able to go to Guatemala since that’s where from where so many of folks from church and my old ESL classes came. So much to get done in a small time frame.

Specific prayer points about this

-My passport will get here without a hitch

-Getting accepted into the program

-My budget-I don’t know what it’ll be just yet. I’ve estimated around 3k with airfare, food, travel expenses, the cost of the online tropical med course, my rent back here and any medicines I bring for the mission

-That I will be able to finish as much of my other practicum requirements so that I have less to worry about when I go.

You can read more about what the program includes at

           http://inmed.us/international_medicine_certificate.asp