In the Land of Jason

           So its “been a minute” since my last posting. Just a few quick updates. I’ve started my pediatric and some of my women’s health practicums. Its been a huge shift and change from last quarter and a blessing that I’m certain I will more fully understand later. I’m getting the hours I need. Regarding my previous prayer requests, I did get my passport quickly. I’m still in the process of appling for the practicum in Guatemala but it looks very likely. Think it’ll be sometime April/May. Please keep it in my prayers.

So hear are some more prayers request…

        1. The people of and the workers in Haiti. Wow, need I saw anything else. www.Lifeline.org

        2. Pat Mahoney, a good friend from college, returned Tuesday to Equitorial Guinea as a Bible Translator. Pray specifically for his safety, readjustment, and that intern he hopes to have can get approved so that he can begin fundraising. www.oldtestamenttranslator.org

        3. My friends, the Toundas, that are raising funds to be linguistic resources in China and a light for The word. Contact me if you want more info or would like to support them. Because the work will be in China details here are intentionally vague.

         4. A guy in the church that has been going through some rough stuff with the mother of his children.

          5. My health-both spiritual and physical. I’m getting over a nasty cold.

       I reviewed my last couple of posting and though it’s a month after Christmas I’m still got some thing’s rolling around my head about it. In the last decade or so lots of reminders of “keeping Christ in Christmas”, “Jesus is the Reason for Season”, and most recently “Its OK to wish me Merry Christmas”. I remember how strongly I felt about that when I was much younger. I wanted it to be a religious holiday again. I wished people to embrace the joy that the coming of the Messiah means to the world. Still do….

        I’m not sure that folks even know what those slogans even mean anymore. Does keeping Christ in Christmas mean no Frosty, Santa, or Rudolph? Does it mean that we go to Christmas evening service? ?Orando hasta medionoche y cantando? “Jesus is the reason” for the season is a vague reminder of the religious origins of the shopping and traveling megaday. How do these phrases make people, both Christians and non-Christians, consider their relationship with God or how they ought to celebrate the holiday? If someone wasn’t a Christian what would these slogans mean to them? What pops into their head when they think about putting more Jesus into the holiday? Maybe images of candles, hymns, liturgy, mangers, sheep, and wisemen might wander across their mental topography. There is so much more to Jesus than just a weird story about a virgin, angels, smelly shepherds, and some Persians.

            We aren’t saved just to keep us out of hell. Children are born not to simply “not die”. Babies are born to live and grow. We do not eat strictly to avoid starvation. We eat for strength to enable us to do what needs to be done. We clean our homes not to avoid dirt but so that there is order and less illness. Mechanics fix cars so that they can get people places not just to undo a broken part. We are saved that we may know and live forever with our Maker. As I grow into whatever it is I’m meant to be, my perspective on what this means changes.

            I keep coming back to feeding sheep (John 21:15ff) , the two greatest commandments (Matt 22:34-40), the definition of true religion (James 1:27), and what God emphasized will be important in the end (Rev 22:3-5) when I think about Christmas. CS Lewis’s “The Great Divorce” is one of my favorite books. The sweetness of the book is how neatly Lewis redefines through allegory how we understand Heaven and Hell, Strength and Weakness, and our connection with man and God.

“That is what mortals misunderstand. They say of some temporal suffering, "No future bliss can make up for it," not knowing that Heaven, once attained, will work backwards and turn even that agony into a glory. And of some sinful pleasure they say "Let me have but this and I'll take the consequences": little dreaming how damnation will spread back and back into their past and contaminate the pleasure of the sin. Both processes begin even before death. The good man's past begins to change so that his forgiven sins and remembered sorrows take on the quality of Heaven: the bad man's past already conforms to his badness and is filled only with dreariness. And that is why, at the end of all things, when the sun rises here and the twilight turns to blackness down there, the Blessed will say "We have never lived anywhere except in Heaven," and the Lost, "We were always in Hell." And both will speak truly.”

Looking back on my failure and mistakes I’m generally unblushing unless I come to see as it being due to my weakness in my spiritual strength (ie reliance on God). I don’t blush at how bad my Spanish was when I started or the stupid things I said then accidently. I, however, am shamed when I look back to a few years ago to a failure that I tie directly to my lack, at the time, of a deeper connection. I stood on my own two feet and fell flat because of an unspoken arrogance. Yet even that God has used to make me into a better man. The more we understand of what heaven is truly to be shouldn’t we want our celebration of Christmas to bring a bit more of Him into it.

            I recently took care of young patient (40/50s) dying of an incurable disease. I believe my role as a nurse is to offer support and reassurance; tender care and comfort for the patient, anticipate the families need, that their feelings are “OK”, and what to expect. Its not the first time, I’ve cared for a dying patient or one whose situation was tragic. What made this so different was the spouse’s response to the approaching separation of body and soul. The love was palpable both from him and from many of visitors. He quietly stated his/their faith without attempting to convince, coerce, or reassure me. It was simply true. He offered her gentle touch, memories, and words of comfort. He expressed concern for the both the elder and junior members of their family and sought to offer them strength. Don’t misunderstand me, this wasn’t a stoic strength or a weepy emotional man. He was hurting in a way I can’t comprehend. Yet through this there wasn’t any sense of co-dependency or bland obligation. It was sincere. The final moments came and passed. I wish I could share more but for privacy reasons I have purposefully left much of what he did and spoke unsaid.

           What strikes me now is that I don’t think he every told me that he loved her. He showed it and whispered it to her. He didn’t need to tell me that he was a “real man”; he demonstrated it in how he nurtured and stood both strong and vulnerable for his family. He didn’t tell me that God gave him strength; I heard his prayers and saw the grace drip from him as he reached out to others. It still takes my breath away. To be able to have God show through in such an intense, ludicrously difficult moment is something that seems so far out of my grasp.

           Yet this is what we are called to be. Being a Christian means eating at His table in order to build that kind of strength. You can’t prepare for those moments by strictly studying texts, or by learning the right things to say, or developing enough discipline, or being emotionally in touch. These things may help but our daily practice of allowing God to be our strength and permit His grace to wash over us that we learn to be the terrifingly gentle warriors he has called us to be. I am so terribly humbled.

Is this what the world sees when they see us celebrate Christmas? Do they see strength that the baby was and is? Do they understand that God renewed us for His purposes? Do they see how those that follow Him are part of God’s attempt to offer comfort in this fallen world? Do they see us celebrating Him by being more like Him?

God, forgive us for what we have made Christmas. Forgive me for what I have not become yet but am trying to become. Forgive me for my stubbornness and my unkind words/thoughts. You have given me more than I imagined. My darkest hour has come when I was marching away from you. Help me to share Your intense beauty with the rest of the world. I’m weary. Crush my whining and help learn to roar. I’m so grateful and oddly happy that You allowed me into someone’s broken painful moment that I might see Your presence in such a different light. Please continue to be with the family as they heal and surround them with your toughest warriors. Thank You for Your presence then and now. Guide my studies that I may be able to retain what I need to be the help that my cousins need. You are so much that I am not and I celebrate Your name. You are what the world hurts for. You are the just and loving One. You are so beyond what I have words to describe. I praise You.

                                                                                           Jason

The new Advent Conspiracy video is out this year. Its on the left or go to website and learn more      www.adventconspiracy.org                 ..

     The clanging of their bells can be heard above the din of my internal thoughts. Clad in red and braving the cold, they politely ask for a small donation, even pocket change for an organization that has helped thousands throughout the US. Later as I pick up my RX, the clerk gives me the opportunity to donate to an excellent children’s hospital. A single dollar gets my name on a balloon as a reward for me and an encouragement to others. A letter comes the same day asking for $10 to help feed a child in Asia for a month.

       All of these charity have something in common they offer “easy sacrifice”. They come to my door and ask for help. They don’t ask anything of me but a very tiny portion of income. They represent respectable charities so that I needn’t worry about if my money is being used well. They praise me for my generousity and kind heart. They unburden me of my sense of wealth and remind me that I am a good person. After spending hundreds of dollars on “stuff” most stores now offer opportunities to give back. For pennies a day they keep any sense of obligation for real sacrifice at arms length.

    Nearly daily I receive forewards via my e-mail telling me about something tragic. If I forward this message on then I am…”a patriot”, “a good Christian”, or “a friend”. When you get an e-mail like this you want to do something in face of something so aweful or wonderful as the case might be. The e-mail tells you what you need to do to alleviate this feeling or to be rewarded. Yet most of the time these e-mails are either false, pase, or offer no real means of change. Wouldn’t it be better to not forward this e-mails and instead send a check to a pediatric cancer center? Wouldn’t it be more effective to share your faith in action rather than join another “Jesus loves me” group on Facebook?

      The last few months have been incredibly difficult for me. It’s been a crossroad when it comes to the few years of education and my years as a student of the Teacher. Every day is a challenge to get through. At work I’m now working day shift (7a-730p) and with it a host of new procedurals and people skills to hone. My practicum has been challenging both intellectually and emotionally. In both, I’m struggling to do what’s right in a timely fashion. The odd thing is that I find myself feeling much like I formerly did as a teenager. In one moment super confident, the next defeated, second later boyed by a compliment, then excited by the coming graduation, stressed by upcoming deadlines, and then an hour later I cycle through it again. Some studies have shown that graduate students display temporal traits of being emotionally labile similar to those with serious mental health issues. An adolescent is able to take care of themselves but it takes a mature adult to do what others really need. The intensity and weight has been incredible.

      One of the biggest changes to switching to days is the amount of contact I have with patient’s family members. Working on a critical care floor means that I commonly manage an individual’s care that are facing dark futures. I have to be competent in my skills so as to make myself available as a sounding board for both the families and patients as they make hard decisions. Often I find myself caring for a person with multiple scary conditions with little hope for recovery, in pain, and often confused. Providers (doctors, nurse practitioners, and physician assistants) bear the primary responsibility of being honest and planning for the future of these people. Yet because of time constraints and heavy patient loads many can’t or don’t.

          As a registered nurse I lack the education to be able to give timelines or prognosis but I am able to instigate discussions with family members about what they are expecting for their loved ones. Its painful to hear someone tell you that “just 3 months ago she was cooking dinner for everyone so I figure it’ll take that long for her to get better,” when you know that the combination of stroke, pneumonia, and 3 weeks in the hospital will likely mean she will probably never be herself again. It’s my job as a patient advocate (which is the thing that nurses do best) not to explain to him that that’s not realistic. Its my job to make sure that they are talking with the right people that can and then get the support he will need when he suddenly understands the enormity of what has happened. Technically all I have to do is make a referral to social services, the chaplains, and a quick note to the MD and I’m covered. However, I know that good care means that I have to understand where people are at and the more questions I ask the better care my patients and their family will receive.

         This is often painful, awkward, and time consuming but its necessary. I am developing the skills I need to have these awful conversations. At the end, most people are grateful not because I told them what to expect or what decision they needed to make, but that I drew attention to what they might have not considered or were fearful to bring up. Its my desire to seek out ways to strengthen them that they might not have considered. Balancing this and the mechanics of being a good nurse( passing meds quickly and carefully) is the the heaviest part of nursing. And its what it means to be a mature nurse. 

        This week I was struck with how out of sync this is with our culture. We’ve offered cheap respite instead of well earned sleep of those that toiled. Its so much easier to tell a family member that they need to let someone die than to tell them what their options and help them work through those possible implications. Its easier to offer easy charity and quick praise than tell someone that that the sacrifice God calls us to make involve backaches, emotional scars, and financially scary decisions.

      I don’t give to the bell ringers because I 've committed to others organizations and people that I know. If you wish to give to the Salvation Army, really give. Cut a real meaningful check if you think it’s the best use of your money. If you lack money, give in time. Jesus’ greatest gift to us wasn’t that he gave easy answers or eliminated the need for sacrifice. Its that His sacrifice brings us into His presence, free of guilt, and enables us to be more of what he intended of us. Jesus gave of Himself above all. The Holy Spirit isn’t just a security blanket for comfort when we’re hurting. He enables us to mature, and see others as God does.

      The quantity and immediacy of news has placed us in a unique position to be aware of the struggles of our cousins throughout the world. Inversely to this info has been most people’s ability to know how to respond. We often feel overwhelmed and powerless in the face of so much tragedy, pain, and corruption. Forewards and “easy sacrifice” alleviate us from our crushing sense of helplessness. Yet this really can’t be what God has meant for us. CS Lewis wrote in a letter that “the love we are commanded to have for God and our neighbord is a state of will, not of affections (though if they ever also play their so much the better).” Our culture has defined love by emotion and charities have attempted to tap into this in order to make their budget.

       Making fewer but bigger donations draws us in and helps us grow as individuals. It calls us to be accountable for our giving if we don’t give to hundreds of different groups via nickels and dimes. We need to give of ourselves. We need to mature to the point that we can more fully utilize the Holy Spirit to reach out to those that need Him both those that believe and our cousins that haven’t come to Him yet. As we celebrate the arrival of Jesus this season, we need to evaluate what the best way to use our talents and that we would rely more heavily on His strength to do what’s right.

                     JP

I have an opportunity to go to abroad with the Institute of International Medicine this spring. I cleared the first hurdle a couple of weeks ago and now am waiting to get my letter of reference finances in order. I’ll get to work with a Christian medical missionary and it’ll count toward my practicum hours. I’m hoping to be able to go to Guatemala since that’s where from where so many of folks from church and my old ESL classes came. So much to get done in a small time frame.

Specific prayer points about this

-My passport will get here without a hitch

-Getting accepted into the program

-My budget-I don’t know what it’ll be just yet. I’ve estimated around 3k with airfare, food, travel expenses, the cost of the online tropical med course, my rent back here and any medicines I bring for the mission

-That I will be able to finish as much of my other practicum requirements so that I have less to worry about when I go.

You can read more about what the program includes at

           http://inmed.us/international_medicine_certificate.asp

Wow, I've been really bad about blogging the last couple of months. I'm at the library eating and taking a break from working on a  health policy paper (about HR 1693) and eating chunk light tuna kits. 

   Theres a display outside the library memoralizing the 20th anniversery of the fall of the berlin wall. The students sitting around me weren't even born then. My family had just gotten back from German when it fell. I remember stories in the german papers about people who had been shot trying to get over. I still have this very vivid memory of a fuzzy black white photo of a body tangled in the barb wire. I used to spend hours trying to figure out how I would escape if I ever needed, the disguises and excuses I would use. We got back during the summer and I spent most of it with my grandparents, it was to be a hard adjustment that fall but I loved my time at the camp. When the wall came down, I was so excited so, the intensity of the happiness I felt  for the families that could finally be reunified still feels familiar. My classmates didn't care and looking back I wouldn't expect most 12 year olds to care either, especially when most of us discovered girls that year. Its so hard to imagine that so much time has passed.  Soon after, it occurred to me that up until our departure in July people were still being shot. If only they had waited just another six months they would be alive. The idea haunted me for long a time as a kid. Yet had that desire not been so intense, the wall might never have come down. 

      It moves today to think about the wall and all of the suffering its meant. It makes me think of the concentration camps. It makes me think of dreary, soulless communism. It makes me think of how the world punished Germany by cutting it in two and making it watch as half of it withered and died from cancer. I can't think about the wall though and not think about people I met that still prayed for family members trapped on the others side after 30 years. I think about people that planned for decades to escape. I think of how even in all the dreariness hope still pushed its way up through concrete despair. 

       The last few weeks have been dreary and extremely busy. Every day is a 12 hour day. Every day things are left undone for the next morning. I do my laundry over three or four days. One day I put laundry in, the next morning I throw it in the dryer and on the third or fourth I put it away. I'm learning a lot, mostly about how much more I have to learn. Sometimes June seems so far away. Really though its all hyperbole. Its an incredible privilege to be in my position to learn. I got excited the other day thinking about going to Global Missions Health Conference in Louisville. For so long its seemed like some far off thing. Now I'm nearing an important junction in my education, I will finally be able to begin practicing. My student days are numbered. 

Some prayer requests

1. Maycol a friend of mine is having a disagreement with the mother of his children and she has taken them to live with her parents 2 states away. Maycol is incredible torn up about the their departure and is really struggling. Please pray for peace and strength for Maycol. 

2. Pray for my time at the medical missionary convention. This'll be my first real break from school and I'll get to spend a little time with Belinda. I'll be talking to clinics about possible job opening here in the US so as to get experience before going overseas. 

3. Continue to pray for the Hispanic church. They had a baptism Sunday before last. Also had a healthy baby born to one of the members. I was there last Sunday for the first time in several weeks and it felt really weird to be so out of touch. They seem to be doing well. 

4. The church I've been visiting, Parkside Christian Church has been great. I've only been there a few times but they have deep roots. It was a good decision to take this time away. I'm so emotionally drained that I don't have much to offer by Sunday morning. Instead I've found my times there to be refreshing and challenging. 

5. Are you going to Global Missions Health Conference? Know someone else who might? Let me know and we can meet up. I'll be there all day Friday and Saturday. If you need transportation or help with the cost let me know. Check it out at www.medicalmissions.com 

As always.. May God bless you as you seek Him, 

                               JP

   This year there are two conferences being held in the area.

     Global Health Education Consortium. The first to be held November 7 at the University of Cincinnati will be a single day from 8-5pm. Its focus appears to be getting involved; an intro to those who have never been before or who are maybe getting more deeply involved. No website but the brochure explains it pretty well. It'll be its first year and has a lot of promise. If you're a med/nursing student at UC you should attend. 

       Global Mission Health Conference- November 12-14th in Louisville, KY. Three days long, the conference is an excellent resource for supporters, medical proffessionals, students, and missionaries. A very thorough conference it gets down to the nuts and bolts of medical missions from support raising to where to get medicine to education. Lots of sessions for students. Enormously encouraging and positive. If you have to choose just one I recomend this one. However the one at UC is closer and if a student I think it'll provide you more academic opportunities. 

     Gotta get to work, Jason

        I?m taking a break from geeking out with my ipod touch. Technology is revolutionizing how we as medical practitioners deal with all the new information out there. I can download podcasts that range from ivy league medical schools, to podcasts that discuss the newest consumer health fraud product out there (remember the foot pads that cleansed the body whiel you slept), to medical ethics debates. Plus I can load up reliable software products to help me as I study and review for boards. This is the actual reason I bought it in the first place. Many med school will include a PDA w/Epocrates preloaded for incoming students. Epocrates helps the practitioner look for cheaper generics, alternatives when there are allergies, drug interactions, and dosing guidelines. A must for begininers and slowing becoming standard for even experienced providers as medications are added as such a rapid pace. My ipod also syncs with my google calendar and with a 10 dollar addon can work as a audio recorder (I?ll let you know how it works this fall in class). So my Ipod works as a PDA, calendar, internet, microphone, desk reference (meds plus the Spanish dictionary I downloaded), music players, and mobile classroom. I sound like I?m selling them dont I?

        Oh yeah I just got new headphones that sit behind the pinna of the ear and vibrate through the cartilage. The clarity is incredible plus I can still hear what's going on around me. My head literally vibrates to the music. It feel like live music does. Plus the clarity means I can enjoy it at lower levels. I bought at Odd lots for 15 bucks but it looks like on Amazon they're selling for like 150 dollars! 

        Some of you know that I?ve struggled with my role with/in the Latino church. I?ve been there since 2001 but have always seen myself as a temp until something more permanent came along. When Jorge left I sorely wanted to leave. Not because I felt that the ministry didn?t have value or promise rather that I wasn?t able to dedicate the time I felt it deserved. Abdiel asked me to stay on to provide some stability and so I did. Now three years later with another minister starting I?m back to the same question. I?ve refused to preach largely because I want them to develop their own leadership, because I know I carry perhaps too much weight as it is, and due to time constraints. I don?t like to be a pew warmer and I have been as active as someone can be without teaching. From taking Javier to court down by Lexington to discussing health issues to providing backstory, I?ve always been busy. The thing is that now as I get busier, I find that I don?t know the people as I once did. It?s a dangerous thing to think your in a different place than what you are. I don?t spend much time outside of church with any of the guys and this can easily lead to an incomplete view. Every Sunday a line that forms to talk to me about ?American? issues or health concerns. I feel more like a consultant than a member. Add to this that even when I was very active I didn?t know the English church well and after nearly ten years I find myself feeling like a visiting distant cousin.

       So here's where this is headed. When I graduate next year I will most likely move out of CIncy, so I need to decide of what to do in the meantime. I need to get through school but I also need fellowship. Do I seek out a new church, where I can worship with other Anglos here Cincy? If I did this I would most likely get a big boost spiritually from others with a similar cultural and spiritual outlook (ideally anyway) and maybe a future supporting church. I really miss worshiping in English. The last time I got teary eye because it felt so natural. I could still remain in touch with the Iglesia de Cristo but would further withdrawl from the latin immigrant community. I would most likely loose a lot of my fluency in Spanish and some of the church members might be hurt. Option would be that I could also elect to stay at Western Hills and float along waiting until the end of year. The last option is to seek out another church to worship at in the evenings. I did this for sometime at CLovernook back in 02 when I felt a lot of pressure from the ministry, but found myself feeling torn after a year or so of not committing to the Anglo service. This is the direction I'm leaning. Keep this in your prayers.

                                  Jason

Crazy militant squirrel threatens me with embarrasing photos involving me, a garrulous mime, an apoplectic cow, and a very, very angry chipmunk. Chipmunks do not like being dressed up like panda ninjas. 

I wrote this 2 weeks ago and appearently is still hasn't taken. For subscribers this was the post I e-mailed you about previously. 

  Media is a huge influence in our lives. Being part of the health care industry over the years, I’ve gotten worn down by how people try to manipulate consumers into buying into a new health concept. If you eat this magical juice it’ll improve you alertness. Eating just orange vegetables will melt away yellow fat. The common thinking was that if you consume fat you get fat. I remember Susan Powter screaming that since pigs are fat we should not eat pigs. Even then I remember thinking that that was horrible logic. If I eat dairy cows will I produce milk or if I eat chickens will I lay eggs? Eggs became a “bad” foods years ago for the similar reasoning. Since they contain cholesterol, you should avoid them to lower your cholesterol. As science has stepped up we’ve learned that metabolism is far more complex. The biggest change in the last several years is what we define as a good nutrient. The truth is that healthy means eating complex nutrients (complex carbs, protein, and good fats) in moderation and healthy activity.

                    This past week Time magazine’s cover story “Why exercise won’t make you thin”, was a shocker that exercise alone won’t make you svelt.

                     Well, duh. You mean that even though I just burned 300 calories in the gym I can’t reward myself with a 450 calorie Snickers? You mean that if I do a thousand crunches a day I won’t have wash board abs? (You’ll have rock hard abs under a slab of fat).

                    It feels deeply, deeply cheap for a major magazine to place this on the cover. “Ohhh, expose! The medical community changes its mind again.” Being active is important for improving cardiovascular health (avoiding heart attacks and stroke), memory, cognition, reducing the long term effects of chronic conditions like arthritis, diabetes, and asthma, increases energy levels, mitigating stress and depression, and improving sleep patterns. It’s not a cure all and like all activities done in moderation. Exercise done to an extreme will destroy the body. The article seemed a kind of backlash against the fitness craze being pushed in the media. There is no magic bullet. It takes years to develop a healthy perspective and strong body. Time’s central theme was that if your sole goal for working out is vanity, it’s a waste of your time. If you want to be sexy it takes diet and exercise. In the health care field we’re much less worried about how sexy your abs are; rather how lovely your bowels and blood move.

Being healthy isn’t something you learn to do well in a matter of days or even months. My exercise habits have been bipolar years. Yet I’m still only about 35 pounds heavier than I was at 18 (nearly 15 yrs ago). That number includes added muscle and the 30 pound gain after my knee injury. (Though I should probably subtract the 9 pounds I’ve recently lost in prep for a 5k in November. Wohooo!) In 1996 I cut out everything out of my diet except boiled chicken and white rice with the intent of retraining my taste buds (I can’t recommend this approach for everyone but it was a starting place for me, talk to your medical provider and nutritionist). It was terrible and my apartment smelled like carcass. I lost weight but largely because I no longer wanted to eat. Bland food is not happy food. Slowly I added one spice and then another as I learned how it would alter tastes. Let me tell you lemon juice makes chicken taste like heaven after a week of bland food. I sought out cheap but healthy nutrients (beans, vegetables) and experimented. Most of my experiments were pretty awful. My former coworkers at the clinic will never let me live down my tuna chile (which I still maintain did taste good though it had a distinctive smell). Now despite the fact that most of my food is healthy (minus the desserts I make for work or church) strangers have actually asked for my recipes when I’m eating in the cafeteria. BUT its taken me 13 years and I’m still not as disciplined as I ought to be. It takes time to learn to be healthy and learn balance.

The Time article felt cheap, irresponsible, and lopsided. The only people that ought to take note are dimwitted narcissists. The health care community has been encouraging a balance of nutrition and exercise for decades. Booo, Time.

On the flip side the Consumer Reports September edition was about over-the-counter medications and what you need to know about hospitals stays. Excellent, excellent. It’s a must read. Fair intelligent and well researched. I don’t agree with everything there but it’s a great starting place. There articles were written well neither condescendingly nor to shock. They just lay it all out there. They also have a great list of websites that help you research your hospital. This alone is worth buying the magazine. The more prepared you are before you get sick the better decisions you’ll make with crisis hits. Read it and then buy copies for family members.

Time- 2 thumbs down

Consumer Reports- 2 thumbs up.

Spell check squirrel notes that there are way too many “S”s in “narcissists”. Some words just think they’re better than others.

  I'm taking a break from reading EKG strips. Just recently I learned that I needed reading glasses (an over correction from the Lasik surgery) and need a few minutes away from the text. I work on a cardiac floor so I'm used to reading my patients EKG strips quickly but since I'm learning and practicing 12 lead its a whole other ballgame. The experience has helped though, I'm picking up things quickly.  I'm in the habit of jumping to the important things and overlooking the intracacies. (That "Oh, crap!" moment).

     This weekend was  a bit of blur. Patrick Mahoney my friend who is a missionary in Equitorial Guinea came into town this week and we've gotten a chance to hang out. Pat, Dave, and I all went to college together and are entering the field a bit late for various reason. Pat is back to finish up his support raising.

       Javier, the guy that I asked for your prayers,  reappeared on Wednesday. It turned around he has given a friend a lift down to his friends kids near Lexington. They'd been drinking and we arrested for drunk driving. When I went to see him he was in a bit of denial until I explained what the breathalizer tests indicated. While I don't mind casual drinking I think like most folks I have  viceral reaction to drunk driving. It was  difficult conversation. He spent the four ngiht in jail and nearly lost his job on top of the fines and upcoming court costs. Plus he is facing the embarrassment in the church. Javier's background is one best suited for a country song or a mexican soap opera. through his shame though he sees that even in jail He was with him. He witnessed to another guy there and he made a decision for Christ though the other guy was paroled that night and Javier has no contact info. Javier is excited about how good things can come out of something so bad. One of things that makes Javier who is he is his dirty faith. Friday we drove down to get his car out of impound, 300 bucks and its sitting in my drive way until hes able to drive again. That was Friday morning.

       Friday evening headed into work but was force on off (low census) after 11pm which looking back was a good things since I was so tired. Saturday night started off slow but by end of shift I was drained. You sort of develop a sixth sense about a patient that being admited. After some talk the grandaughter decided to stay. Glad that she did because the patient ( a very likeable spunky lady) started to take a turn for the worse. While at work I try to be open and supportive, something that is a huge drain for an introvert. At the way home it sort of hit me how drained I'd became from the events of the week and got a little weepy. I think most nurses can attest to this occasional delayed reaction. I sat there thinking that about everything I still had yet to do Sunday after a 12 hour shift. Went in took a shower, grabbed a quick nap, and then off to church. We had gotten last minute tickets from the Hendersons (thanks Gerri and Ron) and so the new minister and 2 other guys headed to watch the Reds narrowly lose.

       Despite the fact that it had been nearly 30 hours by the time I went to bed, it had been exactly what I needed. Sun, baseball, and a completely work/study free afternoon. It was nice to spend the day with guys from church without discussing plans, problems, or needing to listen. We just watched baseball. Sometimes God provides what you need just when you least expect it.

    Alright back to the EKGs, wohoooo.

              JP

PS Please keep Erin Lenihan and her family in your prayers. She has been a member of the Spanish church since the gitgo. Her father, a christian,  passed away last week from a long battle with MS. The funeral is Tuesday.

      I took a break over the last several weeks from the blog. Just a few quick things to update you all on whats happened. The biggest news is that I did get a day shift position at my job. Wohooooo! No more 7pm-8am days starting the 12 of August. I’m so excited. I will really miss my coworkers and the time I get to spend with my patients at night. Part of the reason I needed to make the change is that I’m starting my practicum this fall two days a week on top of classes. Working nights would have been too difficult with 2 days of practicum and 2 days of class. I’ve also cut down my works days to only 2 a week. In more good news I discovered that one of my classes changed days, so I think I have only one day of classes this quarter (though nearly nine consective hours). I’m down to the final stretch. In just 9 months I’ll give birth to happy bouncing masters degree.

         I’m preparing to take the Progressive Critical Care Nurse exam in September. Its an optional certification for nurses but helps to affirm what you know and reach for a higher standard. I encourage any bed side nurses out there to look into certifiyin in your area of speciality. You know how different “real” nursing is from what we’re taught in school. From the practice test I took, this is based on the reality. I’ve learned quite a bit in preparation. After that I’ll be taking the cardiac medication certication as well. I figure its another way to review the more complicated meds and cardiac conditions ahead of my boards next fall.

    This past week I met with Stephanie, another nurse from St Elizabeth Hospital, about starting a group to talk, pray, and encourage medical missions. The medical community has so much to offer missions and yet so many of us don’t know how to use our skills. Hopefully we’ll get it going sometime in August.

        This week one of the guys that volunteered to preach at church was arrested. I’ve checked 3 different county jails and can’t find him. He’s not answering his cell and his car is gone. I’m guessing that he was arrested under a different English name. Its been a while since we’ve had a deportation at church and I hope that Javier is well. He has lived a difficult life and its been really amazing to see the transformation since his baptism a couple of years ago. Please keep him in your prayers.

       I went to see Transformers a few weeks ago and I was surprised at how strange it was. Action movies are never deep though they try to have some cute homiletic or message blended in. Towards the end of the movie in a pivatol moment the main character declares that he “believes” and that’s enough. Believes in what? That the transformers are going to magically fix everything? That everything's going to be OK because you believe? That all will be OK in the end just because you have Hope? Perhaps there was a bigger allegory in the movie about good vs evil. If there was one then it’s a pretty broken metaphor.

        There seems to be a broadening trend of elevating Hope, Faith, and Love in themselves. These words normally have a source or take an object or describe an action. If I believe that the airplane will fly because I have faith in the phsics of flight and engineers then it’s a rationale belief especially if I’ve flown before. If I sit in a car and declare that it should soon take flight and do so sincerely, people would quietly back away from me. Likewise love is more than an emotion but what we do. The mother that reads to her children nightly and forbids TV because she wants her children to be intelligent and caring is demonstrating love. The mother that declares her love for her children, yet does little to nurture them is only expressing a narcisissitc affection. During the election there was a famous depiction of President Obama with “Hope” printed below it. Suggesting that his push for change and reform was a source of Hope, an interviewer inquired of a few celebrities if this were true. In one case the celebrity answered to the affect that he was leary about stating that he actually found Hope in Obama but rather in the idea of Hope. This seemed bizarre to me at the time. It seems very appropriate to say that your political candidate offers you hope. Hope like Faith and Love has a source or an object, it moves and does things.

     Pop culture has moved in a direction that is divorcing these attributes from their sources. It doesn’t matter what you believe as long as you believe. It doesn’t matter what gives you hope as long as you have it. It doesn’t matter what or who you love as long as you feel it. Back in a world that is full hurt and ugliness, a misplaced faith or hope is painful. Love that acts in self-interest isn’t love. Real love is intolerant of neglect, abuse, and narcissism. In Transformers, the character’s belief in the transformers produced that moment of cognitive dissonance for me because it seemed that the director expected me to believe that a toy was not only alive but worthy of my faith and also worthy of laying down my life. I doubt that director Michael Bay had any of this in mind when he filmed the movie, he just needed something "meaningful" to insert between explosions (which were awesome) and slow-mo running.

      Its not enough to believe in something. The object and source of our belief must rest in someone of substance. The divorcing of these words from the objects that gives them meaning leaves such an emptiness. Time and time again God has proved himself to me be to worthy of these affections and He provides the source for Hope in my life.

      May God bless you as you seek Him, JP

  I passed my finals last week  and ended up doing well for the quarter. Its always a bit of surprise after finals are over just how worn out I am. so thats it for now. Back to being lazy for a bit more.